I have never been a "thin" girl. Of course—especially at this moment—I have definitely been thinner, but I can't think of a time in my life when I wasn't self-conscious about my physical appearance. More specifically, I have memories going as far back to when I was 7-years-old and being told that my thighs weren't supposed to touch and that my arms were the size of a python.
It's taken me years of of overcoming the mental roadblocks to get to a place where weight and other body-issues are things I can talk about—much less make public on the internet. But the further along I get in my weight-loss journey, the more I realize it's something I need to confront, and probably something a person like me who needs help finding the strength to love themselves needs to read. So here I am, sharing.
I gained upwards of 100lbs in a span of about four and a half years. There were definitely periods when I would panic and pick-up a new exercise routine, but between a lower-back injury and constant traveling for the better parts of 2013 and 2014, I had kind of given up.
The photo thumbnail for this post was taken on a family vacation in Cabo by my dad who is pretty proud of the steps I've taken towards a healthier lifestyle. In this photo, I am ~20lbs lighter than I was the day I quit my job.
Like the habitually self-conscious girl that I still am, though; I asked my dad if I could see the photo on his DSLR after he took it. He said it was a great shot, but I immediately hated how my hair looked, the angle of my profile, and most especially; my perpetually chubby arms. I forbade him to post it on Facebook where all of our friends and family could see it.
I started this blog around the same time I started paying more attention to my health, and one could say they both played into a way to feel like I had some sanity and control over my life.
And now, after having started this particular post I find myself in a quandary. To write a blog called “live fearlesley” and not share my entire journey living true to that name; self-discovery, weight-loss, entrepreneurship and all—became more of an untruth.
Change can be scary. Breaking long-term bad habits? Even more nerve racking.
Making yourself vulnerable to other can be petrifying. Baring your soul and body-issues on the internet? Almost unspeakable.
But my inner-voice makes enough self-depreciating commentary to rival the voices of the internet, and I am making the choice to put myself out there as I hope to make myself a better person, and hopefully inspire those who are on a mission to do the same.